I don't want to fight for you for months/years before you realize what you mean to me.
Dear Mr. Inconsistently Consistent,
Is it true? Do you really love me? Or do you love my presence?
As long as I could remember, I have believed in the idea of love. The movies, the books and the ideas of it. When I met you, I didn't think much of it. We were friends and barely knew each other. When our friendship transcended, I didn’t know what to think. I loved the fact that I could talk to you about myself as well show you who I was. You were the first person I trusted myself with. I told you my dreams, fears and shared the deepest parts of me. We were good. More than good. Then fears got in the way. Fear of the unknown. Fear of falling too hard too fast. Fear that you weren’t enough.
As I watched our “situationship” unravel before my very eyes, I still refused to admit to you the one thing that you needed to hear: that when I was with you, I always felt safe, safer than I've ever felt with anyone else. You made me believe that the love that I had seen in the movies and read about in books could finally be true for me.
I can't blame you solely for our failure though. I expected you to be my white knight riding to rescue me from everything I was dealing with and hiding from the world. I expected you to be the perfect man for me. I expected nothing to change even though now our environment and priorities had changed. I longed for you to be everything I had dreamed for. I wanted to you to be the patch that would be able to fill that empty hole in my life. I wanted an everlasting love at 20 and you could not do it. And I'm glad you couldn’t. I was not ready no matter how much I told myself I was. You weren't ready either. We both have a lot of growing to do. I miss you. I love you. You are my first love. The man that I would defend and love against all odds, against my own instincts and reservations. I gave you all of me so It’s hard to imagine that you would take that with you and that we would have to part.
As I get older, I finally understand that love is a feeling. It’s not a book or movie. It’s a choice one makes everyday he or she wakes up.
Our story shouldn't be this hard. I don't want to fight for you for months/years before you realize what you mean to me. I also don't want to force you to make me something you don't want me to be. So if our story ends here, I will, of course, be devastated and hurt beyond measure. But I will understand that you aren't the everlasting love that I had imagined in my head. We are both amazing people, but we may not be amazing together. All I am sure of at this point is that you are my heart. That the way I feel for you, I have never felt for another human being. If our story ends here, I will forever respect you and you will have a piece of my heart.
So please. Be cautious. Think before you act and make promises to me.
Ms. In Love With Love